Fine Opinion Piece

NYT: The Joy of Quiet

Useful Word

avaricious, adjective – greedy: excessively acquisitive especially in seeking to accumulate and hoard riches.

Have a Drink

Once some time ago, when I was in Las Vegas, I would make it a point to start and end each day of my time there with a trip to Fat Tuesday’s in the Aladdin Casino Mall.   At the end of the day this would leave me with various hard drinking restaurant employees who had just finished their shifts and who graciously made me one of their own.  This was good from a bonhomie standpoint but left me a little bleary eyed.  This experience no doubt sent my liver into some distress but it also left me addicted to this fine concoction.  The Aladdin is gone now and I am not having very many of these any more but I see no reason why you should be constrained in a similar fashion.  Here is my version:

Mudslide

• 1.5 oz. Vodka
• 1.5 oz. Coffee Liqueur
• 3 oz. Cream
• 1.5 oz Irish cream Liqueur
• Pinch of Cinnamon

Put on festive chapeau.  Load your faithful blender with ice.  Gracefully pour your liquid ingredients into the blender.  Blend until smooth.  Pour into tall glass, and then sprinkle cinnamon on top.  Drink.  Repeat until well centered.  Rest.  Cogitate.  Start your day.

Thought for the Day

I used to think the world was binary, there was good in one corner and evil in the other.  Now I know there is just one corner and it is filled with evil.

For the Paranoids Among Us (Which Should Be Everyone)

Cryptocat is an open sourced and free browser based system to enable secure encrypted conversations.  Useful to have in your tool bag.  Also it has “cat” in its name which always makes things worthier.

Empirically This Seems So Wrong

Tired

Reading Matter

Hopefully you are off from work today so you have some time to read.  If so, here are a few interesting things:

• What is it like to work at an Indian call center?  Find out here.
• Here is a strange blurb from the Kids Prefer Cheese blog.
• Do you have faith in the TSA?  This may change your mind as they bravely protect us from dangerous cupcakes.
• How is your outrage meter?  Here is an upsetting missive about the US government's cheerful new policy of assassinating its own citizen’s.  Perfect for the Christmas season.
• This is a frightening article about the rapid rise of ethane in our atmosphere and the dire consequences this may ultimately render.
• Are you a do-it-yourselfer?  Here is a handy guide to opening a padlock with a coke can from It’s Tactical.

On Michigan Avenue

Nollaig Shona Duit *

When my Grandmother was a young girl in Ireland they would put a candle in the window on Christmas Eve.  It was supposed to be a symbol of welcome to travellers and people passing by.  They decorated their door with holly and would make a raisin bread that they would slice and give to visitors who might stop by.  There was mulled wine if your soul was feeling cold and good fellowship for all.

So I am metaphorically lighting a candle for you the reader.  I hope that you and yours will find joy and fellowship in the world.  My Grandmother also used to say, “make someone’s day better,” which I urge you to do as well.  Please also take a slice of bread, a cup of good cheer and a sprig of Holly on your way out into the cold world.

* (Gaelic for Merry Christmas)

Apt Word

wassail, noun and verb -  1) A salutation or toast given in drinking someone’s health or as an expression of good will at a festivity; 2) The drink used in such toasting, usually ale or wine spiced with roasted apples and sugar.

Looking Up

Thought for the Day

“A bone to the dog is not charity.  Charity is the bone shared with the dog, when you are just as hungry as the dog.”

Jack London

Travel Angst

It used to be when the world and I were much younger that I looked forward to potentially going to the airport and taking a flight to somewhere.  But in this era of naked screening, pre-flight fondling by morons, and baggage fees, each time one must make their way to the airport is just torturous.  You know things have gotten bad when you say to yourself, “maybe it would not be that bad to take a bus for 14 hours.  No doubt I would meet some friendly people.”  Also it seems that amazingly one seems to always be forced to fly at the worst moments.  Things really are just wonderful at the airport during peak Holiday season.   The lines are much longer and tempers much more frayed.  Each moment brings enhanced pleasure.  Perhaps this time could be the magical one where homeland security (a friendly sounding group if ever there was one) will decide that one is worthy of extra special scrutiny and provide one with the gift of the full cavity search.  Why would one ever want to miss such a holiday treat?

Sometimes Only Pho Will Help

Perchance to Drink

Christmas is the cruelest season.  When I was a boy both my father and my grandmother suffered fatal heart attacks on Christmas day, so doom has always hovered nearby during this time of the year.  This year is shaping up to be no exception.  So despite relentless waves of bad news I trudge forward.  I think I am going to make some eggnog because it seems mildly comforting and steel myself for the awfulness I know is coming.  Here is a recipe.

Eggnog

• 1 cup sugar
• 1 dozen eggs
• 1 1/2 quarts milk
• 1 pint whipped heavy cream
• 1 bottle brandy

Separate eggs and beat the yolks with sugar in a large punch bowl.  Stir in milk and whipped cream.  Add brandy and refrigerate for an hour.  Before serving, whip egg whites and fold into eggnog.  Garnish with fresh nutmeg.  Drink until teeth hurt.  Rest.  Carol furiously.  Drink some more.  Rest.

Two Christmas Thoughts

“People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.”  - Ogden Nash

“I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white dude would come into my neighborhood after dark.” - Dick Gregory

Parting Gifts

Sometimes a celebrity does something so noteworthy that you really just have to stop and give them their due.  This week’s version of this rarified species comes in the form of New York Yankee Shortstop, Derek Jeter.  A story emerged this week that he is apparently giving his female conquests gift baskets to remember him by.  You can read the story here.  Go ahead I'll wait.  You really have to read this.  The only problem arose when he accidently went to the well a second time with the same girl.  She was, remarkably enough, offended by receiving the same gift basket that she got the first time they rendezvoused.  She wasn't offended by the gift basket concept, mind you.  She just seemed to feel like she should have a received a different gift.

I mean you really to have venerate the cheekiness of it all.  I wonder if the girls also get a t-shirt which says, “Thank you for trying the Derek Jeter experience.  If you enjoyed yourself please like me on Facebook.”  And just think of the laudable thoughtfulness of the gift basket idea.  What woman wouldn’t feel special after receiving a nice parting gift?

Chicken Udon Soup from Ky Lin Teppanyaki

Bacon Bits

For reasons that I cannot fathom the card room I was playing in yesterday smelled of bacon.  Because I am one of the most suggestible human beings on the planet, I naturally headed for the refrigerator when I came home later that night and found some bacon.  I meditatively cooked it in a frying pan and laid out the strips of bacon to cool on some paper towels next to my stove.  I had left my drink in another room so I left for a minute to retrieve it.  When I came back into the kitchen I found O’Malley the alley cat proudly carrying a strip of bacon in his mouth.  He wagged his tail at me and disappeared into another room. 

Today’s Final Score: O’Malley 1, Laoch 0.

Christmas List

When I was small I used to construct elaborate Christmas gift lists both for myself and for others.  I continued doing this for some years until one year I specifically asked my father, who was notoriously difficult to buy for, what he wanted for Christmas.  He did not hesitate and said simply, “a kind word.”  I scoffed at this but as I have grown older I realize now that that was all he really wanted and that it is better that way.  Things always get in the way but feelings are free and have real lasting value.  Who knew that I could finally learn something?

Guerilla Warfare

I was walking by a Sandwich place in my neighborhood yesterday called Jimmy Johns and I  noticed that they were advertising “free smells.”  Perversely this of course made me want to gather homeless people throughout the city and march en masse over to the store, where we could then all enjoy our free smells.  No doubt this will make me very popular with Jimmy Johns franchise owners, and will allow me to test my theory that there is no such thing as free.

Morning Reading Material

Here are some interesting things to read to start your week off:

• A fine article about how Doctors choose to die once they have been diagnosed with a fatal illness can be read here.
• This is an interesting piece on why women choose not to negotiate.
• I recently saw a dreadful movie on Cable Television called, “The Oxford Murders,” which led me to search for reviews of said movie.  This turned up this scathing and amusing review, “Come back, Dan Brown, all is forgiven.”
• Ever wonder what happens if you fall into a pit of lava?  Find out here.
• Having a bad week?  This article tells you how to make your own hard apple cider, which should make you feel a bit better.
• Here is a interesting and short article entitled, “Holiday traditions differ among cultures,” which has some interesting theories and facts about the coming Christmas holiday.
• Do you need to negotiate something.  Here is a quick article which might help.

Ominous Word

lapidate, verb – 1) to stone to death; 2) to throw stones at.

To Market We Will Go

It is a balmy 18 degrees (f) this morning which is much too cold for the likes of me, but nonetheless I am undaunted and headed for the Cristkindlmarket an annual German Holiday festival in the Loop at Daley Plaza.  So you should head down there too and I will buy you an important Holiday pretzel and a celebratory Spaten Bockbeer!

Climbing the Spiral Staircase

Amusing

“I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.”

Bernard Manning

Dear Laoch

I was imagining yesterday what it would be like if I wrote one of those self help/advise columns that used to be in the newspapers.  I suspect my approach would not be too helpful in the end, and that my service would be pretty short lived.  Here are some potential examples:

• Dear Laoch, I am 16 years old and am in High School here in Sandusky, Ohio.  I am having some trouble with my parents, they don’t understand me and want me to follow some absurd rules and not to date Tommy just because he has already been to prison and because he is one of the big men in one of the local gangs.  I want them to understand that it is my life and get them off my back.  Please help? – Boxcar Tammy
  • Dear Boxcar Tammy, It really is hopeless.  I can understand that the thought of losing such a spectacular young man like Tommy is heartbreaking. In the end you just can’t stand for such an outrage.  Some day he will be a leading light in our nation’s prison system and you can be right there with him.  Maybe if you break free from your parents’ shackles you too could be there on your own merit.  So here is a reasonable thing to do.  Run away from home to sunny Orlando, Florida.  There you can live on the warm streets beneath one of the many fine bridges downtown.  The only rules will be the rules of your own imagination and your adventures will be legion.  Be sure to send your parents a postcard or two so they won’t worry.
• Dear Laoch, I am a 28 year old man living the dream in Vegas (VEGAS BABY!) and generally I happy with how things are going.  One small problem I am having is my wife Tammy Fay hates the fact that I go to “Gentlemen’s Clubs.”  I find though that they are a good way for me to keep in touch with my inner soul and recharge myself after a tough week at work.  My wife feels that I just want to ogle teenage naked girls but it really is much more intellectual than that.  I explore issues of aesthetics and beauty and come to understand these women as people rather than objects.  My wife feels that I am a dirt bag.  Please help?  Bubba in Vegas Baby
  • Bubba, No, she is right.  You are a dirt bag.
• Dear Laoch, I am a 35 year old married woman who thinks that my husband is cheating on me.  I am thinking about the best way to confront him.  Can you help? – Wilma in Detroit
  • Dear Wilma, Anything he can do you can do better, as the old song says.  The best thing to do is not to confront him at all, just get even.  Thus you should have five different affairs of your own in the next month.  A five to one ratio seems about right to put him firmly in his place.  Oh and buy yourself a Santa Hat for the holiday season.  It will make you feel better.

Feelings

On Sunday I was eating at an astonishingly bad lunch place trying to consume a mind bogglingly awful turkey sandwich.   A mother and her teen aged son were sitting at a table behind me.  She is talking about how they will spend Sunday seeing the Muppets movie.  The boy looks at her and says earnestly, "Mom, I just don’t feel you on that.”

Today’s Deeply Strange Fact

My feline, O’Malley the alley cat, has fallen deeply in love with saltines.  If I open a bag of them, no matter where it might be in the house, he will sprint to my location and then howl with joy if I give him his own cracker: very odd!

Milk Punch

Long ago a jolie fille taught me to make this drink at a Holiday Party that I attended on a boat in Hoboken.  Since you are just starting your Holiday celebrating you need to have one of these in your toolbox:

Ingredients

• 2 cups of whole milk
• 12 ounces of Kentucky Bourbon
• 2 egg whites
• 1/2 cup of sugar
• 1 tablespoon of vanilla extract
• 1 teaspoon of cinnamon
• Nutmeg Powder
• Ice

Directions

Place the milk, bourbon, egg whites, sugar, cinnamon and vanilla into a Blender.  Add the ice and then blend, blend, blend until the libation is smooth.  Pour some of the concoction into a festive Holiday Mug and sprinkle some nutmeg on top.

Hilarious

Ok, this is quite funny, not sensitive, but very funny.

Festive

Yule Interlude

I am trying to spend this Holiday season searching for things which are noteworthy in my everyday encounters.  Post stroke I have had a deep intuition that I might not be around much longer so my current philosophy is not focus on time but to try and enjoy the experiences I do have left. 

Just before 9/11/2001, James Taylor recorded a melancholy version of the song, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas,” in New York, that became especially poignant after the twin towers were destroyed.  You can listen to the song and a good interview with Taylor on this archived NPR program.  It is noteworthy because of the quiet dignity of this version and the use of the original lyrics which are darker than some like.

Interesting Challenge

Mysterious but fun for amateur code breakers.

Update: it appears that this is a basically a recruiting tool for the British Intelligence Agencies according to this article.

Thought for the Day

“I'm a little wounded, but I am not slain; I will lay me down to bleed a while.  Then I'll rise and fight again.”

John Dryden