You are sitting on the back of a CTA bus. The bus is half full and filled with losers of all shapes and sizes. Four consecutive seats in the back have just one person sitting in them (including yours), leaving an empty seat available. The fattest woman in the world boards the bus and begins to lumber towards the rear of the bus. There are many other open seats but you know it is coming. Somehow, some way, that person is going to trudge down the aisle, passing up all the other empty seats, and head unerringly towards the one open next to you. Then, no matter how far you are going, they will not get up first. Instead, it is no doubt more pleasing to them, and to the Gods, to squeeze you into a small bit of crushed matter.
Finally, as you near the end of the line, you will mention to them that you are getting off. Immediately they will sigh a heavy sigh, and commence trying to get up. They will fail of course, and you then will need to scream at the bus driver that you are getting off. The bus driver will drive on anyway because that is how he rolls. Inexorably then, your stop will disappear in the background, and you will find yourself cursing the enormous person who has trapped you. They will huffily reply and say something so mind bogglingly insipid that you will not have the words to be able to respond in a civil fashion, and you will have started another perfect morning.
Finally, as you near the end of the line, you will mention to them that you are getting off. Immediately they will sigh a heavy sigh, and commence trying to get up. They will fail of course, and you then will need to scream at the bus driver that you are getting off. The bus driver will drive on anyway because that is how he rolls. Inexorably then, your stop will disappear in the background, and you will find yourself cursing the enormous person who has trapped you. They will huffily reply and say something so mind bogglingly insipid that you will not have the words to be able to respond in a civil fashion, and you will have started another perfect morning.
15 comments:
This reminds me to be thankful for my car.
I think I would have jumped up and changed seats before she could make it to mine. Horrible scenario you described here.
what Meg said...
UGH. You could of said you were saving the seat for the invisible man....
Or hopped up and gotten another seat without looking at her...
Being fat is awful....sorry to say I know the feeling.
EEhh, sorry, but did you say the bus was full of losers of all shapes and sizes?
What were you doing on it?
I remember a TV show Rhoda, where she is dressed really nice for dinner and when it is time to go home. She starts layering all sorts of clothes on leaves. She said something like she never gets bothered on the subway.
You need to try this, you must look to nice.
cheers, parsnip
Been there! Been the victim! Insulted the blob!
Ah, public transportation. I've been particularly sensitive lately to the smell of unwashed bodies on the bus.
... The bus driver will drive on anyway because that is how he rolls...
Ha haaaa.... glad you've survived it all with your humor intact.
I’m awfully curious about the ins and outs of her mind-boggling response.
Let me guess.. she called you rude while she was huffing and puffing in your face.
Now that would be ironic.
Hello Laoch,
I have read the post, read every comment, and honestly cannot think of an intelligent thing to write in response except that I like the way you express yourself, even when quietly desperate.
And now, I must ask. A specific metaphor? Metaphors in general? I've been stumped over your last comment.
meg, I miss driving a bit but not city parking.
elaine & karen, if only I had the foresight.
nsss, I have sympathy for people who are overweight I just do not want to sit next to them.
tsb, amusing. We all must be what we are.
ap, I liked the Rhoda show in the day.
sym, I am sure you were witty.
pc, it wears you down.
jolene, it is always disappointing to interact with bus denizens!
suze, I viewed your post as a metaphor for the risks and rewards of exposing your true self to others, which I view as a worthy behavior. As such I was encouraging you.
Thank you. Have a great weekend, L.
suze, you too.
This makes me sad,
Not so much for you, but for the overweight passenger. Can you imagine how much discomfort, shame and anxiety plagues a person of that weight? To be looked at and stared at all the time? It's pretty much my worst nightmare.
it's like- its not that person, in particular- it's our society and America's standard of health and eating habits..
its gross and disgusting, and its sad, mostly.
..just sayin...
I used, when I rode the bus in SF, to believe I could guess which passenger entering at a crowded stop would sit next to me. I was so often right. And it was always the one which I least wanted to share a seat with. The one who looked angry, or mentally ill. I am a magnet.
Oh dear, I am facing a 14-hour plane trip next week...
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